Tấm Cám Dị Truyện – Bá Đạo VKL – Truyện Chế


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Tấm và Cám là hai chị em cùng cha khác ông nội, mẹ Tấm chết từ lúc nàng mới biết chơi. Bố của Tấm vì muốn sống yên ổn thoải mái trong quãng đời còn lại nên ông không dám lấy vợ nữa, định ở vậy nuôi con cho lành. Nhưng được một thời gian cảm thấy nhu cầu giao hợp vẫn còn nên ông cắn răng liều mạng đi thêm bước nữa, và thế là vợ nhỏ ông thành dì ghẻ của Tấm ( ! ).

Cưới nhau không được bao lâu bố Tấm cũng qua đời vì không chịu thấu sự hành hạ từ thể xác đến tinh thần của người vợ nhỏ. Từ khi bố mất Tấm phải làm việc quần quật từ trưa đến tối. Một ngày mụ dì ghẻ độc ác cho nàng ăn vỏn vẹn chỉ có bốn bữa, ban đêm chỉ được phép ngủ có mười tiếng, nên nhan sắc đang tuổi dậy thì của Tấm có phần hao mòn tiều tuỵ.

tam-cam-di-truyen-1

Ngày nọ, dì ghẻ gọi Cám và Tấm đến đưa mỗi người một cái rổ bảo ra đồng bắt cá, ai bắt được nhiều hơn sẽ được thưởng cho một cái áo vú màu đỏ. Vâng lời mẹ cả hai xách rổ ra đồng, đến nơi thấy đàn cá bơi tung tăng dưới nước Tấm thầm nghĩ “Con dì ghẻ trông mặt xấu xấu mà điêu ghớm, nước nhiều hơn cá thế này thì bắt thế đéo nào được mà bắt?”. Nghĩ đoạn nàng chạy về nhà lấy chai thuốc trừ sâu ra đổ xuống ruộng, một chốc sau cá chết nổi trắng xoá trên mặt nước. Vốn mang trong người dòng máu bần cố nông siêng năng cần cù nên Tấm siêng năng đi lượm cá chết bỏ đầy rổ. Còn Cám với bản chất con nhà giàu ham chơi bời nên cô nhởn nhơ hái hoa sờ bướm quên cả lượm cá. Trời về chiều nhìn rổ mình không có con cá nào Cám bèn nghĩ ra một kế để cướp cá, nàng liền bảo Tấm:

“Chị Tấm chị Tấm,

Đầu chị bị lấm,

Người thì hôi khắm,

Nghe như mùi rắm,

Chị mau đi tắm,

Kẻo về mẹ đấm.”

Nghe lời em Tấm cởi hết quần áo nhảy xuống chiếc ao làng trong vắt cạnh đấy tắm rửa. Trên bờ Cám đổ hết cá vào rổ mình rồi vọt nhanh về nhà. Tắm rửa xong Tấm lên bờ chưa kịp lau chùi mặc quần áo thì phát hiện rổ cá bị mất, nàng uất ức trong lòng không biết trút giận vào ai nên ngồi xổm đái xuống ao cho đỡ tức. Nghe tiếng lõm bõm trên mặt nước, Bụt từ dưới ao trồi lên mặt nước hỏi:

– Bị người ta chôm mất cá tại sao con không khóc mà lại đái ?

Bấy giờ Tấm mới ôm mặt khóc nức nở kể lể sự tình, nghe xong Bụt kề gương mặt đầy mụn vào sát mặt Tấm nói nhỏ:

– Con đừng lo, chỗ cá ấy bị nhiễm độc hết rồi, đứa nào ăn phải cho ung thư chết mẹ cả nhà chúng luôn ! 

Nghe lời Bụt phán Tấm vui lắm xách đít ra về. Đến nhà nhìn đống xương cá trên bàn thấy quen quen nàng tiếp tục ôm mặt khóc, Bụt lại hiện lên hỏi:

– Tại sao lần này con không đái mà lại khóc ?

Nghe Tấm kể lể sự tình Bụt bảo:

– Ta đã nói rồi, đứa nào ăn cá kia tất sẽ chết, khi lũ ấy chết con tha hồ lấy vàng bạc châu báu của họ mà tiêu xài, còn xác thì con trụng nước sôi làm mắm bán cho dân quanh vùng lấy tiền !

Quả nhiên lời Bụt phán linh như Tiên, một thời gian sau hai mẹ con mụ dì ghẻ đột nhiên ngã bệnh nặng rồi lăn ra chết. Nhớ lời Bụt xúi hôm trước Tấm trụng nước sôi hai mẹ con xong chặt từng khúc bỏ vào hủ chứa đầy phô. Tiếp theo cô ra chợ mua một số hoá chất mang hương vị các loại mắm về trộn đều trong các hũ. Thế là từ thịt người bỗng chốc hoá thành các loại mắm nổi tiếng như như mắm lóc, mắm cá linh, mắm bò hóc, mắm cá sặc….Nhờ kinh doanh mắm thịt người nên Tấm trở thành tỷ phú kể từ hôm ấy.

[ kết thúc có hậu ]

Về sau, Tấm kết hôn với một anh trọc phú trong làng (đéo phải vua như bản gốc, thế mới đau). Hai người tâm đầu ý hợp sinh sôi nảy nở ra một đàn con cháu đông như quân Nguyên. Con cháu của Tấm hội tụ đủ các thành phần trong xã hội. Từ anh nông dân mắt toét răng hô mở mồm là văng tục đến chị quý tộc thượng liu châu báu đeo quằn cổ đều có bà con họ hàng xa gần với Tấm và anh trọc phú.

Trăm năm biển hoá ruộng dâu, đất đai trù phú bạt ngàn dần dần bị triều đình quy hoạch để xây cao lâu tửu điếm. Sau khi ăn xài phung phí hết tiền đền bù giải toả, con cháu Tấm bỏ làng bỏ xóm tha phương cầu thực khắp năm châu bốn bể. Bởi họ mang trong người dòng máu y như tổ tiên mình nên đi đến đâu đều bị các chủng tộc khác xa lánh sợ hãi. Họ ăn cắp vặt, xả rác, đái bậy, khôn lỏi, độc ác…và đặc biệt họ rất hung hãn khoái đánh nhau hơn mần ăn kinh tế, vì thế những dân tộc tiên bộ khác trên quả đất mới có bốn câu thơ tả về họ rằng:

“Lừa đảo tham lam khắp một vùng,

Choảng nhau người chết khói hương xông,

Bốn phương chôm chỉa lừng uy đức,

Ăn nhậu giang hồ phục võ công.”

Muốn biết con cháu của Bụt, Tấm và lão trọc phú thuộc dân tộc thần thánh nào trên địa cầu, mời quý vị cố gắng dành thời gian chơi phây-bút hàng ngày sẽ rõ.

Cười Thả Phanh

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Tấm Cám Dị Truyện – Bá Đạo VKL – Truyện Chế
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