Thơ Chế Lô Đề


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Ve vẻ vè ve
Nghe vè đề đóm
Ai muốn thắng lớn
1 “chén” 70
Thì hãy nghe tôi
“Thơ đề” – luận chuẩn
Quanh quanh quẩn quẩn
2 số cuối thôi
Nếu luận chắc rồi
Đánh đề sẽ trúng…?
Mơ gì thấy giống
Cột trụ, cao gầy…
Số 1 là đây
Kê đầu, lót đít.
Ngan, gà, ngỗng, vịt…
Số 2 sẽ về?
Ngựa, xe hoặc dê…
Đệm, yên… 3 chắc
Tứ tử xuất sắc
Ghế… số 4 kìa
Thấy “phởn” – phê phê
Ngũ – 5 đó nhé
Số 6 lạ nhỉ
Bụng vượt mặt rồi
Số 7 lôi thôi
Sợ nên… giấu mặt?
Đầu đuôi, sau trước
Cân đối – 8 về
Lồi rốn lưng phè
Là chàng số 9
Đắng cay: cười mỉm
Tròn trĩnh số 0
Xuôi ngược lòng vòng
Đầu xuôi đuôi lọt
“Bóng” của hôm trước
Lộn lại bao nhiêu?
Muốn chắc ăn nhiều
Chặn đầu, khoá đít?
Tiến 2 lùi 1
Đánh cặp, đảo chiều…
Dễ biết bao nhiêu?
Sáng gieo – chiều gặt?
Nghề này dễ nhất:
Xiêu cửa đổ nhà
Rồi có lúc mà:
“Ra đê mà ở”
Luận đề dễ thế
Tớ đã… “tò râu”
Xin hãy nhớ câu;
“Thằng bần là bác…”
Đề đóm cờ bạc
Ta hãy tránh xa
Vè này tung ra
Xin ai hãy nhớ!



Đề ơi

Hôm qua đứa bạn nằm mơ
Nó mơ nó sẽ làm thơ rất tài
Tôi liền đánh số 02
Tối trúng giải chẳng ai mà ngơ
Bạn tôi đá phải… ống bơ
Tối đánh 04 nằm chờ tối vui
Đêm mơ mất điện tối thui
Sáng ra nhịn đói ngậm ngùi… đề ơi!


Luận đề

Hôm nay đề về bao nhiêu?
Hỏi ra mới biết nhiều người băn khoăn
Có người mơ thấy con trăn
Bảo rằng chắc chắn đề về 00 (trăn không có chân)
Lại cô ngủ mộng nhớ chồng
Không không, em bảo đề về 50
Ô hô! Thật quá buồn cười
Nếu tôi mơ thấy, thấy người tôi yêu
Thì hỏi anh chị bao nhiêu đề về?
Thôi thôi chớ dại lô đề
Không khéo lại được ra đê ở nhờ?


Lô đề, cờ bạc

01 là cái cột nhà
02 là cái… đàn bà làm quang
03 giống cái khăn quàng
04 là cái áo choàng mùa đông
05 là cái khúc sông
06 là đám mơ lông, củ giềng
07 là giống cái kiềng
08 là cái… thiêng liêng trong quần
09 là cái bàn chân
10 là cái… đống phân bốc mùi!
Lô đề, cờ bạc đánh chui
Cớ sao không có đầy lùi nó đi!


Chơi Đề

Nói về cái vụ lô đề
Xóm tôi nổi tiếng là mê nhất làng
Sáng nào ở quán Hai Sang
Dân ghiền đề đến luận bàn rất đông
Hôm qua cô Bưởi Thị Bòng
Trưa hè ra tắm bờ sông chết chìm
Cả xóm tôi đổ xô tìm
Nhưng nào đâu biết cô chìm nơi đâu
Trên bờ còn chiếc áo nâu
Với đôi dép nhựa có màu xanh xanh
Chủ đề nóng hổi mới toanh
Mới vừa sáng sớm được phanh ra bàn
Mở đầu là lão Hai Sang
Số đề lão vốn luận bàn rất ghê
…hôm qua hồn nó hiện về
báo mộng rằng đã bị dê hai thằng
35 cứ đánh thẳng căng
chiều nay nhất định chắc ăn lượm tiền..
Đến phiên lượt chú Tư Miên
Ông này nổi tiếng đề ghiền truyền gia
… 03 xác chết đánh ra
chắc cú chiều sẽ xổ ra số đầu…
Bà Bảy Hủ Tíu từ đâu
Cũng vội vã phán một câu như vầy
…hôm qua nó chết đúng ngày
23 số ấy rinh ngay tiền về…
Thế là cả xóm ghiền đề
Nhao nhao bàn tán con về con không
Chẳng ai nhớ Bưởi Thị Bòng
Có nguyên cặp bưởi ai trông cũng ghiền
Chiều nay cả xóm đảo điên
00 một cặp hiện nguyên lô đầu
Nhìn ai mặt cũng phát rầu
Bởi tiền dồn hết số đầu mà phang
Đến tối cả xóm tin loan
Cô Bòng chết đuối hiện đang..ở nhà..
Cô bị nước cuốn ra xa
Thế nhưng may mắn cô là biết bơi
Bởi không có áo trên người
Cho nên mắc cỡ trốn nơi cuối làng
Chờ khi đêm đến vội vàng
Về nhà trốn biệt ngõ làng chẳng ra
Tin đồn cô chết thành ma
Làm giàu thêm mấy thằng cha thầu đề
Ai ơi chớ lậm số đề
Đề chơi vốn dĩ đời chê đó mà.



Một thời lầm lỡ

Nghe danh từ trước đánh đề
Sáng đi 1 chỉ chiều về 7 cây
Già trẻ khắp chốn đó đây
Làng trên xóm dưới đều vây lấy đề
Đêm nằm mơ thấy con dê
35 xuống xác đề về 53
Trằn trọc nghĩ mãi không ra
Con dê đi ngược mà ta đánh nhầm
Sống đơn độc nghĩ âm thầm
Chiều nay đề xổ ta “đâm” lô nào
11 con chó lao xao
23 con khỉ, rắn vào 32
Chắp tay xin với thần tài
Trúng đài phụ đó, trúng đài chính luôn
49 nước lụt ào tuôn
Trúng đề ta sẽ hết buồn mà thôi
Con gà 08 lên ngôi
Ta thì 09 trâu ngồi gốc đa
Nghe tin người chết gần xa
Hỏi ngay tuổi tác chiều ra đánh đề
14, 41 con bê
15, 51 chuột về ngũ linh
57 đánh đấm linh tinh
03, 06 cá chình cá trê
Đánh riết bán nhà ra đê
Sáng đi 1 chỉ chiều về trắng tay
Người trong cuộc rồi mới hay
Giờ ta lủi thủi không ngày không đêm
Cảnh đó để bà con xem
Thấy ngay hậu quả ai thèm đề chi…


O la la

Rượu chè cờ bạc lô đề…
Thú vui không ít cánh râu trên mày.
Rượu chè tồn đến muôn đời
Lô đề cơ bạc lúc này lúc kia
Mấy năm nay tưởng đã suy
Mà sao phát triển ngày thì mạnh hơn
Làm ta phải đóng cửa luyện công
Tinh thông số học, lại còn thiên văn
Thuật phong thủy cũng tinh tường
Triết học lý giải chuyện này chuyện kia
Giấc mơ kia khá lạ lùng
Gặp vụ tai nạn cũng chen vào bon chen
Cô cho con số làm giàu
70 trên 1 ngu gì không yêu
Độc đắc trúng quả tỷ tư
Còn không phẩi một ta bo lại đài
Hôm qua ứng thí dự thi
Hội thi tìm một tấm chồng cho Điêu
Thấy cụ Thôn Trưởng xung phong
Xuống hồ cá xấu vụ này hay đây
Cụ này tính chắc chín mươi lăm
Nam lùi 1 bước nữ thì tiến 2
Chắc mẩm anh đóng 94
Gia tài anh có là một bì phong sương
Tối ngủ lại còn mơ thấy ba ba
Ba ba là 9 lại còn 4 chân
94 là số đúng rồi
Nằm chờ kết quả he he giàu rồi
Thôi rồi kết quả đã về
Vào con 96 mời điên ngươi tiết lên
Chém cha cái kiếp lô đề
Giờ còn nhà lá ven đê chờ “Thuyền”
Lưa rằng Điêu có thương Tà
Tà sẽ từ bỏ cái nghề đề lô
Dựng một túp lều tưởng lý bằng thơ
Đón Thuyền về sống tiêu dao quên đời
Chờ anh vớiiii…


Cầu đề

Ngày xưa thời hãy còn đê
Lỡ mà gãy gánh còn về trú thân
Đô thị: đất ngang xuyến, ngân
Tìm được chỗ cắm biết lần đâu ra
26, 28 con gà
36, 76 là bà vải xiêu
21, 61 Thúy Kiều
Vướng vào kiếp nớ chắc tiêu 1 đời
37, 77 ông trời
Ghi hoài chẳng trúng tiền rơi phương nào
Ghi thử thần tài xem sao
39, 79 thế nào cũng vô
Nhưng rồi chờ tết Công-gô
31, 71 con tôm cong vòng
Hết tiền hết gạo long nhong
Nhà cửa nhếch nhác gió *g trước sau
62 là con bồ câu
49, 89 con trâu bạn cày
Muốn tìm con vật ngủ ngày
54, 94 biết ngay con mèo
Con này cầm chắc phận nghèo
Xui xẻo có nước bám theo suốt đời
Chấp tay con khấn ông trời
Tiền của đã đội nón cời (*) ra đi
Linh ứng báo mộng tức thì
Cho con gỡ gạt chút gì ông ơi
Hứa rằng dừng ngay tức thời
Ngơ ngơ ngẩn ngẩn suốt đời mê man
Con vịt chắc giống con ngan
57, 97 hạc vàng chắc vô
Để con sắm ít tiền đô
Nhà lầu với lại ôtô đắt tiền
Heo quay một con y nguyên
Tàn nhang con hóa gởi liền cho ông
Chắp tay con nguyện trong lòng
Chiêm bao con được trong vòng tay ông


Chồng Lô Đề

Xưa vợ ăn nói dịu hiền
Mà giờ vợ cứ tiền tiền ở đâu”
Chồng thì nét mặt âu sầu
“Vợ à anh lỡ đánh sâu lô đề
Quả này thì chắc là mê
Anh mua cho vợ ngay xe ét hờ
Mua thêm một chiếc ô tô
Đưa vợ đi dạo lượn lờ ngày đêm”
“Tỉnh đê, mở mắt mà xem
Anh nhìn nhà thử anh đem cái gì
Ngày nào anh cũng li bì
Chẳng màng công việc lo chi đường về
Cả nhà có 1 cái xe
Nổ thì lạch bạch đạp tê cả người
Trong nhà còn mỗi cái giường
Hay là bán nốt nằm luôn xuống sàn
Ừ thì cũng mát cũng lành
Nằm ở dưới đất cho nhanh chầu trời”
“Vợ à anh biết sai rồi
…vợ đừng nói nữa…
Anh thôi lô đề.”



Lô Đề Đối Thoại

Chiều nào cũng đến quán ông
Lô ghi 2 cáp mà không thấy về
Hôm nay cháu thử chơi đề
Nếu mà vẫn trượt cháu thề không chơi
– Cháu ơi chớ có bồi hồi
Nhiều người nói vậy nhưng rồi vẫn ghi
Số đỏ cháu phải xét suy
Khi nào tới vận cháu thì giàu to
– Đánh to thì mới trúng to
Vốn bỏ ra lớn đâm lo bác à
Khi xưa chất phác, thật thà
Từ ngày đề đóm cháu là du côn
– Ấy ấy cháu bé cái mồm
Để cho bác kiếm bát cơm qua ngày
Hôm nào kết, đánh thẳng tay
Đánh to một chút mà xây nhà tầng
– Bác nói thế, cháu xin vâng
Hôm nay cháu thấy lâng lâng lạ thường
Đêm qua nằm ngủ trên giường
Cháu mơ cháu được cô thương phen này
– Mới nhìn bác đã biết ngay
Bác biết là cháu thường hay mơ màng
Lô xiên, đề đánh 3 càng
Bắt cầu, đánh bóng là vàng đầy tay

Bùi tai ngẫm thấy hay hay
Bao nhiêu vốn liếng dồn ngay số đề
Chỉ vì một thoáng u mê
Cửa nhà bán hết, triền đê đón chờ.



Mộng Lô Đề

Đêm qua mơ thằng bạn
Học từ thuở cấp 2
Thằng đấy tên là Hợi
Nay sẽ về 83
Nghĩ đi rồi nghĩ lại
Lỡ không phải thì sao
Nếu tính thành số tuổi
Thì nó 29 rồi
Nhưng mình là con gái
Đánh nam tiến nữ lùi
Có lẽ là như vậy
Con 28 đâu rồi?
Nhưng mà lỡ đề lộn?
28 thành 82?
83 thành 38?
Thì mình tốn thêm tiền???
Ồ thế thì không được
Phải tính kỹ xem nào
Trong giấc mơ nó bảo
Vợ nó vừa đẻ xong
Nó còn yêu mình nữa
Ôm chặt quay hai vòng
Vậy hay là lại đánh
Con 02, 20?
Nhưng lúc mình hẹn nó
Khi uống cốc cà phê
Nó… phóng xe đi mất
Liệu có về 00?



 

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Thơ Chế Lô Đề
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