Tổng Hợp Truyện Cười Bể Bụng Về Tình Yêu


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Cười Thả Phanh – Xin gửi tới anh em bạn đọc Tổng Hợp Truyện Cười Bể Bụng Về Tình Yêu. Rất mong nhận được sự ủng hộ to lớn



Sợ không kham nổi phần thưởng

Một tiều phu bị rơi rìu xuống sông, anh đang ngồi buồn rầu nhìn dòng nước xoáy thì Bụt hiện lên an ủi: “Đừng buồn! Ta sẽ mò chiếc rìu cho con”. Dứt lời, Bụt biến mất và loáng cái ông đã ngoi lên, tay cầm chiếc rìu bằng vàng.

– Đây có phải rìu của con không?

– Thưa Bụt, không phải rìu của con.

– Bụt lại lặn xuống nước mò lên một cái rìu bạc, chàng tiều phu vẫn không nhận. Lần thứ ba, Bụt mò lên cả ba chiếc rìu vàng, bạc và sắt, anh chỉ nhận chiếc rìu sắt là của mình. Thấy anh nghèo túng mà thật thà chất phác, Bụt liền cho anh cả ba chiếc rìu…

-… Vài năm sau, tiều phu nọ đi dạo cùng vợ trên bờ sông xưa, không may cô vợ trượt chân ngã xuống nước. Anh chàng thở phào nhìn xoáy nước, định bỏ về thì Bụt lại hiện ra bảo:

– Ta sẽ mò vợ lên cho con, đừng buồn!

– Anh tiều phu chưa kịp mở miệng thì Bụt đã hiện lên trên mặt nước cùng Cindy Crawford và hỏi: Đây có phải vợ con không?

– Tiều phu loạng choạng suýt ngã, tim đập thình thịch, vội vàng lí nhí: Dạ phải…

– Nói dối! Ta sẽ trừng phạt ngươi!

– Trước cơn thịnh nộ hiếm thấy của Bụt, chàng đốn củi tội nghiệp quỳ xuống nghẹn ngào: Mong Bụt hiểu cho, nếu con nói “không” thì Người lại mang lên Claudia Schifer và tiếp tục “không” thì người sẽ vớt đến vợ con, khi ấy con mà bảo “đúng” thì Bụt lại cho con cả ba nàng. Thế thì con chết mất! Không thể nào kham nổi ! Hu hu!



Cũng là một nạn nhân thôi

Anh chàng nọ là một ngư dân hay khoe tài. Trên tường nhà, anh ta treo đầy những bức ảnh có chú thích như:

– Cá kình, Thành bắt ở Mũi Né.

– Cá mập, Thành giết ở Hòn Re.

– Bạch tuộc, Thành săn ở……

– Sau ngày cưới, cô vợ anh ta treo thêm lên tường một tấm hình chồng với chú thích: Thành, cưới ở Phan Thiết.



Đường nào cũng chết

BạnGái: Anh Thấy em có mập không

BạnTrai: Không

BạnGái: Anh nói dối em ghét anh

BạnTrai: có

BạnGái: Sao anh dám chê tui tui ghét anh



Lời khuyên khi vợ ngoại tình..

Một người đàn ông hỏi bác sĩ: “Thưa bác sĩ, vợ tôi rất hay ngoại tình, nhưng lúc nào cũng vậy,

mỗi khi tôi toan làm ầm lên thì cô ta lại nói: “Anh hãy uống một tách cà phê để bình tĩnh lại đã nào!””
– Tôi hiểu, nhưng ông cần tôi giúp gì mới được chứ?

– À, tôi chỉ muốn hỏi, uống nhiều cà phê như thế có hại cho sức khoẻ lắm không?



Không có thời gian

– MR1: Cậu nói chuyện với ai ngòai cổng mà suốt cả 3 tiếng đồng hồ vậy?

– MR2: À! Nói chuyện với AD

– MR1: AD à! Sao không mời nàng vào chơi?

– MR2: Nàng nói không có thời gian

– MR1: (Đầu bốc khói)



Tai nạn nghiêm trọng!

Hai cậu bạn độc thân nổi tiếng chơi ngông gặp nhau:

– Đi đâu mà tay xách nách mang thế?

– Thiệp cưới đấy cậu ạ!

– Cái… gì? Cậu khùng rồi hả?

– Tớ quyết định phải cưới vợ.

– Cô nào mà cao thủ thế?

– Cái cô mà hôm nọ tớ tông xe vào đấy!

– Tớ không ngờ hôm đó cậu lại gặp tai nạn giao thông nghiêm trọng thật! – !!!



Bánh…

Một cô gái xinh đẹp nọ mắc tật ham ăn. Khó có gánh hàng rong nào đi qua nhà cô mà “thoát” nổi. Cô ăn vặt đến nỗi, lúc nào mở miệng nói cũng có chữ bánh. Chồng cô phải nghe nhiều “bánh” quá, nên cứ hễ ai nhắc tới hàng vặt, quà rong là đùng đùng nổi giận. Một hôm hai vợ chồng đang ở trong nhà, bỗng mưa như trút nước. Anh chồng bảo:

– Em ra xem trời thế nào?

Cô đến bên cửa sổ nhìn rồi nói:

– Anh ơi, mưa to lắm, cọng mưa có sợi dài như bánh canh, sợi ngắn như bánh lọt.

Anh chồng giận quá:

– Bảo cô xem mưa lớn nhỏ, nước nhiều ít, mà nói gì có bánh trong đó?

Cô hoảng hồn, mở cửa xem lại rồi thưa:

– Anh ơi mưa to thiệt mà. Chỗ nước lên cao dày như bánh phồng, chỗ mỏng như bánh tráng vậy đó.

Chịu hết nổi, anh chồng bạt tai vợ. May sao cô né được, tay anh chồng đánh trúng vào ngực vợ. Cô vợ chạy lại nấp sau cột nhà, bù lu bù loa khóc:

– Chồng người ta hiền khô, chồng mình thì nóng như cái bánh cam. May mà tôi né kịp, anh đánh trúng… hai cái bánh bao. Nếu né không kịp anh đập gãy… bánh chè tôi rồ



Chung thủy

Jim nói với cô bồ:

– Bất cứ điều gì em muốn anh sẽ làm, nhưng còn chuyện cạo râu thì không bao giờ nhé.

– Còn ở nhà thì anh ta bảo vợ: Anh để râu để chứng minh cho em thấy sự thủy chung của anh.

– Một hôm, cô bồ của Jim cảm thấy nghi ngờ rằng Jim là một người đã có vợ. Cô ta nói: Em sẽ không yêu anh nữa nếu anh không chịu cạo râu đi.

– Mặc cho Jim năn nỉ hết lời, cô gái vẫn không đồng ý, cuối cùng Jim phải nhượng bộ và cạo đi bộ râu của mình.

– Thế rồi tối đó, khi trở về nhà Jim cảm thấy hối hận khi đã lừa dối người vợ chung thủy của mình và sợ sẽ phải thú nhận sự thật. Jim nhẹ nhàng leo lên giường nằm kế bên vợ mình. Cô vợ liền quay sang ôm mặt anh ta và thì thầm nói: Anh yêu, hôm nay không được đâu, gã chồng râu rậm của em sẽ về nhà bất cứ lúc nào đấy!!!



Chúc mừng

– Mua hoa, mua hoa tặng vợ này!

– Tôi không mua, tôi chưa có vợ.

– Thế thì mua hoa tặng người yêu vậy.

– Tôi cũng chưa có người yêu.

– Thế thì hãy mua hoa để chúc mừng cho chính anh đã có một cuộc sống vô tư đến thế.



Không chịu nổi…

Đôi nam nữ đang xem phim tình cảm, đến đoạn gay cấn chàng trai quay ra nhìn cố gái : “Không chịu nổi nữa rồi!”

Cô gái e thẹn : “Không cần phải chịu đâu, cứ làm đi !”

Chàng trai nhăn nhó: “Nam nhi, mới có 1 chút đã ko chịu được thì thật mất mặt !”

Cô gái nói típ : “Đôi lúc cũng ko cần phải chịu !”

Chàng trai nói: “Thế anh làm nhé? “

Cô gái nhắm mắt lại, chàng trai đứng dậy bỏ đi. Thấy thế cô gái hỏi:

“Anh đi đâu đấy? “

“Vào nhà vệ sinh chứ đi đâu! “



Chiều anh đi…

Nửa đêm, chồng quay sang vợ thủ thỉ:

– Em, mai anh phải đi công tác rồi, em chiều anh đêm nay được không?

– Ứ, ừ…

– Nào, ngoan… Chiều anh nhé?

– Nhưng… chỉ một lúc thôi đấy.

– Không! Anh muốn cả đêm kia.

– Trời?!! Cả đêm làm sao em chịu nổi?

– Em nghĩ về chuyện gì vậy? Anh đang muốn nói đêm nay em chiều anh… đừng nói chuyện nữa để anh ngủ mai dậy sớm mà?

– !??



Ăn cướp gặp ông già

Nửa đêm có tiếng gõ cửa, ông chủ nhà cẩn thận không mở cửa mà chỉ hỏi:

– Ai đó?

– Cướp đây

– Muốn gì?

– 15 cây vàng

– Một tạ rưỡi được không?

– Không đùa, nếu “câu giờ” thì cả ngôi nhà này sẽ bị thiêu trụi đấy.

– Tôi không đùa. Một tạ rưỡi vàng có được không?

– Vậy thì mang ra đây.

(Ông chủ nhà quay sang vợ)

– Em yêu, cục vàng của anh, ra gặp họ đi!



Không được chọn là may

– Cả kỹ sư lẫn nhà báo cùng cầu hôn với con gái tôi.

– Thế ai là người may mắn?

– Tay nhà báo. Vì con gái tôi thích anh kỹ sư hơn.



Nhẹ nhàng…

Có một đôi vợ chồng được giải nhất trong cuộc thi: “Gia đình hòa thuận” sau 60 năm chung sống. Một phóng viên tờ báo đã phỏng vấn về bí quyết giữ hạnh phúc gia đình.
– Người chồng: Đó là kinh nghiệm khi hai chúng tôi đi hưởng tuần trăng mật. Nàng cưỡi trên một con la và đi dạo, khi con la của nàng vấp ngã, nàng nhẹ nhàng: một lần .

Đi một đoạn nữa, con la của nàng lại vấp ngã, lần này nàng vẫn nhẹ nhàng: hai lần. Khi con la của nàng vấp ngã lần thứ ba, nàng liền rút súng ra và bắn chết con la.

Và khi tôi lên tiếng phản đối cách đối xử thô bạo của nàng thì nàng nhìn vào mắt tôi và nhẹ nhàng: một lần



Có hại cho sức khỏe

Hai anh chàng nói chuyện với nhau:

– Này, nghe nói hôn rất có hại cho sức khỏe, có đúng không nhỉ?

– Đúng đấy! Hồi nọ, tớ hôn một cô đã có chồng, thế là phải nằm viện mất những 5 tháng…!



Quá khả năng

– Nàng: Sau này nếu tớ trở thành ca sĩ thì cậu làm cận vệ cho tớ nhé.

– Chàng: Không đâu!

– Nàng: Sao thế?

– Chàng: Một, hai người thì tớ có thể đối phó chứ toàn bộ khán giả nổi giận thì tớ chết mất.

– Nàng: Hừ! Đứng lại!



Chỉ một ngày

Hai người đàn ông nói chuyện với nhau:

– Cậu biết không, bà hàng xóm nhà mình sau khi chồng qua đời, chỉ mới một đêm thôi mà tóc bà ấy đã bạc trắng.

– Thế mà cũng thấy lạ! Tớ biết một bà, mới một ngày mà tóc đang bạc đã chuyển thành đen!


Đánh dấu lãnh thổ

Một chàng vừa lấy vợ không lâu kể với đám bạn độc thân: “Vợ tớ cứ luôn dùng nước xả vải khi giặt. Tớ chả bao giờ biết được thứ nước đó có tác dụng gì cho tới một ngày…”

Đám bạn nhao nhao:

– Đến ngày nào?

– Đến một hôm tớ đi siêu thị, tớ thấy một cô gái lại gần tớ, ngửi ngửi rồi nói: “Có vợ rồi”. Hóa ra các bà vợ dùng nước xả vải để đánh dấu lãnh thổ các cậu ạ!



Tin nhắn shock

Có một chàng trai yêu đơn phương một cô gái nhưng không dám nói ra.

Một ngày kia, lấy hết can đảm, chàng soạn một tin nhắn tỏ tình và nhấn send lúc 1h sáng. Tin nhắn trả lời đến ngay sau đó, nhưng chàng trai quyết định để ngày hôm sau sẽ đọc.

Sáng hôm sau, chàng trai mở tin nhắn lên và… shock.

“Tài khoản của bạn không đủ để gửi tin nhắn, xin vui lòng nạp thêm!”



Một nửa thế giới

– A: Sao ông buồn vậy?

– B: Có người vừa nói tôi xấu trai nhất thế giới này bà ạ!

– A: Vui lên đi, tôi thấy ít nhất một nữa thế giới. ko đẹp trai bằng ông.

– B: Thiệt hả?

– A: Ừa, vì một nửa thế giới là phụ nữ mà.

– B: Tẽn tò!!!



Ăn được hay không?

Hai vợ chồng hái nấm trong rừng. Trông thấy một cái nấm to, vợ hỏi:

– Anh yêu, cái nấm kia có ăn được không?

– Được chứ, em yêu, chừng nào em còn chưa chế biến nó thành món ăn.



Xứng đôi

AD và MR cãi nhau kịch liệt

– AD: Ông là đồ Chí Phèo!

– MR: Thảo nào chỉ mình tôi ăn được cháo bà nấu.

– AD: Gừ…gừ !!!



Đúng tiêu chuẩn

Cậu con trai dẫn người yêu về nhà giới thiệu với mẹ:

– Mẹ ạ, đây là một cô gái tuyệt vời, việc nữ công gia chánh cô ấy làm hoàn hảo. Cô ấy cũng thích làm bánh ngọt giống mẹ.

– Hay quá, con trai mẹ giỏi lắm! 50 franc một ngày, con hãy bảo cô ấy đến vào thứ ba và thứ sáu.



Tỏa sáng trên sân khấu

Hai bạn nhỏ nói chuyện với nhau :

– Bố tớ là thành viên của đoàn cải lương tỉnh đấy.

– Bố cậu làm việc gì trong đoàn?

– Tài năng của bố tớ đêm đêm tỏa sáng trên sân khấu.

– Thế à, bố cậu thường đóng vai gì?

– Điều khiển ánh sáng.

– !!!



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Tổng Hợp Truyện Cười Bể Bụng Về Tình Yêu
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