Truyện Cười Ngày 20-10

20-10 Của Vợ Tôi

Vợ tôi cứ nằm xuống giường là ngáy như bếp khò, nên tôi thường phải ke thời gian để đi ngủ trước vợ khoảng nửa tiếng. Thường những đêm như thế, tôi luôn mơ mình lạc vào một thảo nguyên mênh mông có đàn bò mộng đang thong dong nhởn nhơ gặm cỏ, và văng vẳng trên thảo nguyên mênh mông ấy không bao giờ thiếu tiếng rống ò ò của những con bò đến mùa sinh nở đang gọi bạn tình. Đó là những hôm tôi ngủ trước vợ thôi, còn chẳng may hôm nào đó mà vợ ngủ trước tôi, thì tôi sẽ chẳng mơ thấy gì hết, bởi làm gì có ai mơ khi không thể ngủ?

Thế mà có một đêm, vợ nằm giường rồi mà cứ trằn trọc, lăn lóc mãi, tôi hỏi: “Sao thế?”, vợ bảo: “Lúc tối mới ăn được có 3 bát thì con nó quấy, giờ đói quá, không ngủ được!”. Tôi lại bảo: “Vẫn còn cơm canh đấy! Dậy ăn tạm chút đi để còn ngủ”. Vậy là vợ lóc cóc bò dậy, vào bếp lấy đồ ăn. Tôi chùm kín chăn vẫn nghe tiếng vợ nhai xương gà rồm rộp và uống nước canh ùng ục. Lát sau, thấy vợ ì ạch bò lên giường. Tưởng hết đói rồi sẽ ngủ ngon, ai ngờ vẫn thấy vợ lăn lóc, trằn trọc. Tôi hỏi: “Sao thế?”. Vợ bảo: “Em ăn no quá! Giờ bụng căng lên, khó chịu, không ngủ được!”.

Khả năng ngủ và ăn xuất sắc là thế, nhưng vợ tôi lại rất sợ béo. Vợ mua hẳn một cái cân về để theo dõi trọng lượng cơ thể hằng ngày. Các bác sĩ vẫn khuyên nên rửa tay trước khi ăn và sau khi đi vệ sinh để đảm bảo sức khỏe. Vợ tôi cũng áp dụng triệt để lời khuyên ấy: vợ thường nhảy lên cân trước khi ăn và sau khi đi vệ sinh xong. Bởi theo vợ, ấy là thời điểm mà kết quả ghi lại được khả quan và đáng khích lệ nhất!

Hôm mới mua về, cái cân đẹp đẽ, bóng bẩy, cứng cáp là thế, vậy mà chỉ một thời gian ngắn phục vụ vợ tôi, nó đã xập xệ, xuống cấp và oặt ẹo (cái này bạn nào chuyên sạc iPad bằng cái cục sạc của iPhone thì sẽ hiểu). Tiếc tiền mua cân mới, tôi mới bảo vợ: “Hay em chịu khó qua cân nhờ ở nhà chị Đào đầu ngõ đi!”. Vợ nghe vậy thì chau mày: “Nhà chị ấy bán vật liệu xây dựng, cân đó chỉ dùng để cân sắt thép xi măng thôi mà!”. “Anh biết! Thế anh mới bảo em qua!”.

Vợ đi cân về, thường tôi không mấy khi hỏi thăm là hôm nay cân thế nào, tăng hay giảm. Không phải bởi tôi không quan tâm vợ, mà bởi chả ai lại đi hỏi cái điều mà mình đã biết rồi. Nếu hôm đó cân vợ giảm (dù chỉ là không phẩy mấy lạng), thì vợ chưa vào đến nhà, tôi đã nghe tiếng vợ líu lo hát ca từ đầu ngõ. Rồi vợ hào hứng lau nhà, hí hửng cắm hoa, rồi bữa cơm hôm đó sẽ có thịt gà, có nhiều món ngon, món lạ, không khí gia đình sẽ ngập đầy những tiếng cười rộn rã, vui vui là…

Ngược lại, hôm nào mà vợ bị tăng cân, thì mặt vợ lầm lì, ai hỏi là cáu, ai nhắc là chửi, không cần biết lí do gì. Và hôm ấy, tôi phải ăn mì, không được xem tivi, vì phải kèm cho con học bài, con học xong thì tôi lại đi giặt quần áo, rửa bát đĩa, lau nhà… Nói chung là không khí gia đình luôn trong tình trạng căng thẳng, giống như đang sống trong khu vực tranh chấp quân sự, sắp có bom đạn nổ ra…

20/10 tới rồi! Tôi vắt óc ngồi nghĩ mà chẳng biết nên tặng quà gì cho vợ tôi: quà đắt tiền thì tôi không mua nổi, mà quà rẻ tiền thì sợ vợ sẽ không vui. Bỗng một tia sáng lóe lên trong đầu! Tôi lập tức phi ngay qua nhà chị Đào, dúi vào tay chị tờ 100k, rồi thì thào: “Lúc nào vợ em qua cân nhờ nhà chị, chị tìm cách chỉnh lại cái cân, sao cho vợ em giảm đi vài ba lạng được không chị?”. Sau khi biết được mục đích đầy nhân văn của tôi, chị Đào cầm tiền, rồi gật đầu nhận lời…

Chiều, còn cách cả trăm mét nữa mới tới nhà, tôi đã nghe giọng vợ hát ê a, đã ngửi được mùi thị gà luộc thơm nồng theo gió bay ra, xa xa, thấp thoáng vợ tôi đang cầm cái chổi vừa nhún nhảy vừa lau nhà. Thấy tôi, vợ lao tới hôn chụt vào môi: “Anh ơi! Em giảm được hai cân rồi… giảm được hai cân rồi! Thật tuyệt vời!”.

Tôi mỉm cười, thầm cảm ơn chị Đào: chị hào phóng quá, tôi xin có vài ba lạng, chị cho hẳn hai cân, góp phần giúp vợ tôi có được một ngày 20/10 vui và hạnh phúc nhất trong đời! Bạn thấy không: dù bạn không có tiềm lực về kinh tế, thì bạn vẫn có thể tặng cho người phụ nữ bạn yêu thương một món quà ý nghĩa, chỉ cần bạn có sự tinh tế!

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Truyện Cười Ngày 20-10
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