Truyện Luc Vân Tiên Cứu Kiều Nguyệt Nga Chế


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luc-van-tien-cuu-kieu-nguyet-nga-che

Một buổi sáng đẹp trời , Kiều Nguyệt Nga và 1 nữ tì đang trên đường đến Diamond, bỗng: 

-Tỳ nữ: Tiểu thư ơi, có 2 thằng nào chặn đường mình kìa !

– KNG : Chắc là fan hâm mộ mình muốn xin chữ kí đây! Nào 1 hàng dọc nhìn trước thẳng!!( xếp hàng để cho chữ kí )

2 tên kia xếp hàng rồi nhìn nhau , 1 tên hỏi:

-Tại sao ta lại phải xếp hàng ??

tên kia trả lời : -Dạ tại dc yêu cầu , thưa đại ca !!

Tên kia tức quá hét lên :

– 2 con nhỏ kia , ta là cướp đây, vòng vàng, tiền bạc , đồng hồ , mắt kính , thẻ tín dụng ……….đưa hết ra đây!!

KNG : ( tá hoả ) Oái giời ơi , ko phải fan hâm mộ à , em ơi , kíu chị !!!!!!!!!

KNG quay ra thì con tì nữ đảõ ……….vọt lẹ đi đâu mất tiêu roài !!! KNG nghĩ : “ 1 mình chống Mafia , đành dùng tuyệt chiêu vậy !

KNG : Khoan đã anh ơi , anh dùng dầu gội đầu gì mà tóc anh bóng mượt thế !!

Đại ca: À ! Anh dùng sunsilk bồ kết , óng mượt như tơ! Dùng kèm với dầu xả Comfor hương hoa mới ! ( vuốt tóc 1 cái )

Đệ tử: ( chỉ dám nghĩ) : hic, 1 tuần chưa gội thì có !!!

KNG : Anh ơi , anh xài nước hoa gì mà thơm thía ?

Đại ca: À, anh dùng Romano – khẳng định đẳng cấp phái mạnh!! ( cười 1 cái thật….vô duyên )

Đệ tử : ( chỉ dám nghĩ) Cả tuần rồi hắn chưa tằm thì có !!!

KNG : Anh ơi , anh hào hoa thế mà sao………………..ôi, khó nói quá !!

Đại ca : nói mau , nếu ko ta cắt tiết bây giờ!!

KNG : mà sao…………………….sao áo anh có vết ố to thế kia ??

Đệ tử : À , đại ca ta dùng Omo giặt tẩy 99 vết bẩn , cái này thuộc loại thứ 100 nên giặt ko hết. ( hic cả tuần chưa giặt thì có )

Đại ca : ( quê , tức khí hét lên ) Ko lôi thôi nữa , bay đâu lột hết đồ nó ra cho ta , í lộn, lột-hết-đồ –đạc nó ra cho ta !

KNG : help me!help me !

Vừa lúc ấy có 1 chàng thanh niên xuất hiện :

Chàng trai : Dừng tay lại !!!

Đại ca : mi là ai ??

Chàng trai : ta tên là Lục Vân Tiên

Đại ca : ê,đệ, LVT là thằng nào ??

Đệ tử : Dạ em biết chết liền đoá ! hắn vô danh .

LVT nghe nói , tức, 1 tay vuốt râu ( bắt chước mấy ông nho sĩ ấy mà . chứ râu đâumà có ) 1 tay chắp sau ….,ngâm lun 1 bài thơ!!

Văn đà khởi phụng đằng giao Võ thêm ba lược sáu thao ai bì

Nức danh chốn Võ lâm truyền kì

MU chuyện nhỏ , Gân bào ai so.(dịch : gunbound ai dám so )

Đại ca : này đệ tử , vào Google xem có thằng nào tên LVT ko ?
KNG ( đứng ngoài hưởng ứng ) trời ơi , hâm mộ quá , cướp mà cũng biết in-tẹc-nét kìa !!!

Đại ca : đừng có khinh , đệ tử ta có bằng cử nhân công nghệ thông tin , khoa ….chat đoá !!

Đệ tử ( vừa gõ vừa lau mồ hôi ) dạ , đúng là trong gameonline có 1 thằng tên LVT nhưng tài khoản hổng có , quần áo thuộc dạng ăn xin , đang vất vểu lang thang .

LVT ( nghe nói , tá hoả ) trời ơi , vậy là ta bị thằng nào hack mất rồi , công ta ngày nào cũng nhịn ăn sáng để chơi game , huhu!!

Đại ca : đừng khóc ta ko có kẹo đâu, ta cũng thông cảm cho chú lắm , trước đây tacũng lừng danh thiên hạ nhưng lại bị thằng nào hack mất !!

Đệ tử : đại ca lạc đề rồi, xử nó nhanh lên , kẻo 113 đến bây giờ !!!

Đại ca : À quên , thằng kia dám nói lẫy lừng vào đây. Đứa gây sự trước là mày. Truyền quân bốn phía phủ vây bịt bùng .

Đệ tử : chúng ta chỉ có 2 người mà , đại ca nói quá rồi đấy !!

Đại ca : hừ , chẳng lẽ 2 chúng ta lại ko làm gì dc thằng thư sinh đang trên đường đi thi ĐH này hay sao ?

LVT : ấy khoan , tại sao bít ta sắp qua ải vũ môn ?

Đại ca : nhìn là biết liền , phao rơi ra kìa !

LVT : ấy chết ( nhặt bỏ vào túi ) ông anh suy luận cứ như Sẹc lốch hôm í , nhưng chỉ đúng 1 nửa , còn phần sau sai bét .

Đệ tử : đại ca ta sai cái gì ?

LVT : à , đó la, ko phải ta đi thi đại học mà ta đi ……….thi lại thui .

Đệ tử : hớ hớ, tưởng gì , chuyện thi lại thì đại ca ta đây là …đẳng cấp Pro , ko những thi lại mà …ỡ lại lớp lun cho nó khoẻ!!!

Đại ca ( quê ) ko nói nhìu , thằng kia rút kiếm ra , ta phải đấu với mi 1 trận.

LVT : dc thôi , tiếp chiêu!!!

LVT vừa nói vừa rút từ trong …….túi quần ra 1 thứ , nếu tui ko lầm thì đó là ….1 ổ bánh mì !!!!!!!!!!!!! ( bó tay )

Đại ca : ha ha , tưởng gì chứ cái đó ông mày ngày nào chẳng gặm!!

LVT : á , lộn , chết , em để quên kiếm ở nhà rồi !!!!!!!!!!

Đại ca : đệ tử, thừa cơ vào đánh nó cho ta!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tên đệ tử vâng lệnh , nhắm vào mắt trái của LVT mà tặng cho 1 cú đấm , nhưng LVT nhanh nhẹn né sang *** phải .Tên kia thấy vậy , lại nhắm vào mắt *** phải của LVT định tặng thêm 1 quả đấm thứ 2 , nhưng LVT lại nhanh nhẹn né sang *** trái .Rất ngoạn mục !!!

Tên đại ca thấy vạy , tức quá túm lấy thằng đệ tử vô tích sự tâng lên , dộng xuống , nắm tóc , quay k360 độ , và…quẳng văng đi xa ước chừng hàng vạn dặm, à lộn ……..hàng vạn mm .Xử xong tên đệ tử , tên cướp quay sang LVT , vừa lúc đó , KNG ở ngoài gào :” LVT đẹp trai cố lên “.

LVT nghe vậy sướng lỗ tai , chớp chớp conmắt và dĩ nhiên ko nhìn thấy 1 quả đấm đang lao tới mặt mình , sức sát thương mạnh đển nỗi nạn nhân bật ngửa và cứ tưởng mình vừa nhận dc 1 quả bazoka , ko còn đứng dậy nổi.

Đang lúc tình thế nguy cấp , chợt con tì nữ ở đâu chạy đến , tay xách 1 chai……, đưa đến trước mặt LVT và nói : “ sữa mẹ là tốt nhất cho sức khoẻ và sự phát triển của trẻ sơ sinh và trẻ nhỏ “. LVT cầm lấy và tu 1 hơi sạch banh rồi đứng lên , cởi áo và….gồng lên như Lý Đức , quay sang phía tên cướp thì………

LVT : hic , ta đang định diễn 1 bài thể dục thể hình thì …………nó đã xỉu mất tiêu rồi!!!! thôi ra xử tên đệ tử của nó vậy .

Đệ tử : ối ối , đại ca ơi , em có mắt như mù, ko thấy Thái Sơn , lúc nãy em thất lễ quá xin đại ca tha lỗi , đừng đánh em tội nghiệp, để em tự xử mình vây!!

Nói rồi hắn tự cốc đầu mình và…………….ngủ lun !!!!!!!!!!

KNG: ôi , hotboy của lòng em , chàng có bí kíp gì thế , lúc nãy chàng uống gì vậy ??

LVT : À, hồi nãy ta uống ……..Dielac Mama í mà !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KNG : ặc…………ặc …………….

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Truyện Luc Vân Tiên Cứu Kiều Nguyệt Nga Chế
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