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Cười Thả Phanh – Xin gửi tới bạn đọc đang theo dõi website 1 seri Truyện Cười Nơi Công Sở. Toàn những truyện được có thật nhưng viết theo lối hài



Một thanh niên có triển vọng

Đọc xong quyết định bổ nhiệm, giám đốc công ty dắt tay một thanh niên trẻ ra trước hội trường:

– Thưa các đồng chí, đây là tân phó giám đốc công ty, một thanh niên rất có triển vọng. Anh ấy đã phấn đấu rất tốt, vào đây như một người thợ bình thường. Sau hai tháng đã có tay nghề chuyên môn giỏi, được đi học, được giao nhiệm vụ quản lý và đã thăng tiến rất nhanh.

– Nói rồi sếp quay sang chàng thanh niên: Có phải thế không?

– Thưa bố, vâng ạ!



Hiệu quả…

Một người thư ký nọ chịu trách nhiệm mang cà phê đến cho một ông quan toà vào mỗi buổi sáng. Nhưng vị quan toà rất tức giận khi thấy ly cà phê lúc nào cũng chỉ còn có 2/3. Người thư ký giải thích là vì anh phải gấp rút mang cà phê đến khi nó còn nóng nên bị đổ ra trên đường đi.

Mặc cho ông quan toà la mắng hay phàn nàn như thế nào, anh thư ký cũng ko bao giờ mang đến một ly cà phê đầy. Quá bực mình, ông quan tòa dự định giảm 1/3 tiền lương của anh thư ký nếu anh ko làm hài lòng ông. Vậy là từ đó về sau, lúc nào một ly cà phê đầy cũng được đặt trước mặt ông quan tòa mỗi buổi sáng.

Ông quan tòa rất đắc chí về sự thành công của mình và đồng thời cũng rất thắc mắc anh thư ký đã dùng cách nào để làm được như vậy.

“Cũng đâu có gì nhiều lắm đâu, tôi chỉ ngậm một ngụm trong phòng pha cà phê và nhả ra trước cửa văn phòng của ông thôi”.



Phân chia trách nhiệm..

Bố nói chuyện với con út:

– Này con! Anh cả con thì học kinh tế, anh hai học tài chính. Sao con không theo gương các anh mà lại đi học luật?

– Nếu con không học làm luật sư thì sau này ai sẽ cứu hai anh con đây?



Có năng lực

Giám đốc gọi trưởng phòng tổ chức và ra lệnh:

– Anh tìm trong nhà máy một người trẻ tuổi, có năng lực, có thể thay thế tôi trong tương lai.

– Tìm xong thì giao cho anh ta việc gì?

– Đuổi anh ta ngay lập tức.



Cho chắc ăn..

Trong phòng mạch, cụ gìa khai bệnh:

– Thưa bác sĩ, dạo này tôi hay bị lú lẫn , nói trước quên sau!

Bác sĩ :

– Thế thì xin cụ trả tiền trước cho tôi.



Chuyện ngắn nhất và đau nhất

Hai phóng viên thuê chung một phòng đôi ở tầng 99 của khách sạn. Mới lĩnh nhuận bút, họ rủ nhau xuống quầy bar ở tầng hầm làm vài ly whisky. Thật không may, khi hai người đang trở lên phòng thì lại bị cúp điện. Thang máy không sử dụng được, đành phải leo cầu thang. Họ vừa đi vừa kể cho nhau nghe những nỗi cực nhọc đau khổ nhất trên thế gian, ngõ hầu rút ngắn quãng đường. Lên tới tầng thứ 98, một người phều phào:

– Tớ sẽ kể cho cậu nghe một chuyện mới tinh, đau hơn nhiều so với tất cả các chuyện chúng mình đã biết.

– Đã mệt hết hơi rồi còn rào đón!

– Tớ quên chìa khóa nhà ở dưới quầy bar rồi!



Mật mã

Một nhân viên CIA ở một nước Châu Mỹ la tinh nhận nhiệm vụ tìm người trợ lý bí mật đang nằm vùng tại thủ đô thành phố

Đến nơi, tại ngôi nhà cần tìm, anh ta thấy một ông già ngồi trước cửa.

– Ấm và chảo được sửa ở đây phải không? – Anh ta dùng mật mã.

– Ấm và chảo nào? – người đàn ông trả lời – Nếu anh muốn gặp cái thằng gián điệp Mỹ đó, hắn sống ở tầng 2, phòng 13.



Trang trí đẹp mắt

Khách hàng vẫy gọi nhân viên phục vụ:

– Sao ở đây nhà hàng các anh cho ít canh thế?

– Thưa ông, chúng tôi muốn khách hàng có thể vừa ăn, vừa ngắm hình ảnh trang trí đẹp mắt ở đáy bát.



Không đáp ứng được tiêu chuẩn

Thầy giáo đang giải thích cho học sinh hiểu thời gian đã làm thay đổi các quan niệm của xã hội về cái đẹp và các chuẩn mực của nó như thế nào:

– Chúng ta hãy thử nhớ lại Hoa hậu Mỹ năm 1931, cô ta cao 1,55 m cân nặng 49 kg, các số đo: 76-64-81. Theo các em, liệu cô ta có cơ may không, nếu dự cuộc thi sắc đẹp năm nay không?

– Thưa thầy, cô ta sẽ không có một cơ may nào hết ạ!

– Giáo viên gợi mở: Tại sao? Em hãy cho ví dụ về các tiêu chuẩn

– Đơn giản vì cô ta đã quá tuổi đăng ký tham dự.



Nấm và cà phê..

– Thưa giáo sư, có phải tất cả các loại nấm đều có thể ăn được nếu ta biết cách chế biến?

– Đúng, tất cả đều ăn được, nhưng đối với một số loại có lẽ chỉ có thể ăn một lần thôi.

Một vị khách trong một nhà trọ hạng 3 nói với chủ quán:

– Sau cốc cafe tối qua của anh tôi không tài nào ngủ được!

– Cafe đặc thế cơ à?

– Không, vì cả đêm qua tôi ở ngoài tollet thì sao mà ngủ được.



Kết quả của mối liên kết

– Cậu làm thế nào mà chỉ trong 3 năm đã có được một sản nghiệp đàng hoàng như thế này?

– Tớ liên kết với một doanh nghiệp có nhiều vốn.

– Tỷ lệ đóng góp thế nào?

– Anh ta lo vốn còn tớ góp kinh nghiệm.

– Kết quả ra sao?

– Như cậu thấy đấy, tớ thì có tiền còn anh ta tích lũy được kinh nghiệm.



Thiên đường và địa ngục dành cho quản trị mạng

Sau khi chết, hồn của lập trình viên bay lên trời, thiên thần đón tiếp phán:

– Sinh thời anh không gây nhiều tội lỗi, ơn trên cho phép anh được chọn vào thiên đường hoặc địa ngục vi tính.

– Anh này bảo thiên sứ cho xem thiên đường. Đó là một trung tâm vi tính hiện đại, toàn những máy đời mới nhất, hiện đại nhất, multimedia không chê vào đâu được, server thì khỏi bàn… nói chung đúng là thiên đường. Vị thánh tuyên bố: Nếu chọn thiên đường, anh sẽ là user ở đây.

– Anh chàng đã sướng mê đi rồi nhưng vẫn đề nghị thêm: Ngài hãy cho tôi xem địa ngục ra sao?

– Cũng chính là đây, chỉ có điều anh sẽ là người quản trị hệ thống.



 

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Tuyển Tập Truyện Cười Nơi Công Sở Hay Nhất Quả Đất
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