Tuyển Tập Truyện Cười Vova Cực Hay Và Mới Nhất 2017

Cười Thả Phanh – Xin gửi tới bạn đọc Tuyển Tập Truyện Vova Mới Và Hay Nhất 2017 P9. Rất mong nhận được sự quan tâm ủng hộ của các bạn



Đi tham quan công trường

Vừa tới nơi thì xảy ra tai nạn: một công nhân rơi từ tầng 4 ngôi nhà mới xây xuống đất. Sau buổi tham quan cô giáo tập trung học sinh lại để rút ra bài học từ trường hợp trên:

– Theo các em, vì sao chú công nhân bị ngã?

Masa giơ tay:

– Thưa cô vì chú công í không tuân thủ quy tắc an toàn lao động ạ.

– Rất có thể như vậy, ai có ý kiến khác nào?

Kôlia:

– Thưa cô có thể chú ấy bị cảm.

– Cũng không loại trừ khả năng này. Thế còn Vova, em nghĩ sao?

– Chú ấy ngã vì quát em!

– Thế là thế nào?

– Chú ấy bảo: thằng ôn kia, đừng có rung thang nữa!



Con trai của Vova

Vova cùng ba ông bạn cũ lâu ngày không gặp tình cờ hội ngộ trong một nhà hàng sang trọng. Trong khi vova đi vệ sinh thì ba ông kia bắt đầu khoe khoang về sự thành đạt của con cái mình. Một ông nói:

– Tôi tự hào về thằng con trai của tôi. Nó là một nhà kinh doanh địa ốc có tên tuổi và kiếm được rất nhiều tiền. Vì thế, nó rất hay làm việc từ thiện. Tuần trước, nó vừa hiến tặng một lô đất rộng ở ngoại ô thành phố.

Ông thứ hai tiếp:

– Thằng con của tôi cũng làm tôi cảm thấy tự hào. Nó làm nghề bán xe hơi và kiếm được nhiều tiền đến nỗi tuần trước nó vừa hiến tặng một chiếc Ferrari.
Ông thứ ba tham gia:

– Nhiều lúc tôi cũng không giấu được niềm tự hào về thằng con tôi. Nó kiếm được rất nhiều tiền và cũng thích làm từ thiện. Tuần trước, nó vừa hiến tặng một ngôi nhà trị giá 1 triệu đôla.

Đúng lúc này,vova quay lại. Sau khi biết về chủ đề mọi người đang bàn tán, vova cũng kể thành tích của con trai mình:

– Thằng con tôi thu nhập khá lắm. Nó làm vũ công thoát y ở một câu lạc bộ đồng tính luyến ái. Tuần trước, nó kiếm được một lô đất rộng, một chiếc Ferrari và một ngôi nhà trị giá 1 triệu đôla.



Khoe chú

Natasha, Antô và Vova ngồi nói chuyện.

– Chú tớ là thầy giáo nên ai gặp cũng phải gọi “thầy ơi”.

– Chú tớ còn giỏi hơn, chú tớ làm cha sứ, ai gặp cũng phải gọi “cha ơi”.

– Kém xa chú tớ, ai gặp chú tớ từ xa cũng phải thốt lên “chúa ơi”! – Chú cậu làm nghề gì?

– Chú tớ là… “trùm khủng bố”!!!



Cái lò xo

Trong giờ học tiếng Nga, Vôva ngồi bàn đấu cứ loáy hoáy ngó nghiêng cái bút bi, thỉnh thoảng lại bấm tách tách. Cô giáo quát:

-Em đang làm trò gì thế Vôva? Không được mất trật tự

– Dạ vâng, nhưng mà thưa cô, em không hiểu. Cái bút là giống cái, cái ruột bút là giống đực, thế tại sao lại không có trẻ con ở đây?

Cô giáo đỏ mặt nói:

– Biến ngay khỏi lớp và mời phụ huynh đến đây

Vôva thất thểu về nhà và bảo bố

– Cô giáo mời bố lên trường

– Thế có chuyện gì vây?

– Con hỏi cô ” cái bút là giống cái, cái ruột bút là giống đực, thế sao không có trẻ con ở đây? Thế là cô đuổi con ra.

Bố Vova liên tháo tung cái bút bi, ngó nghiêng 1 hồi, bỗng thốt lên

– Đây rồi, tất cả là tại cái này. Có 1 cái lò xo nằm ở trong đó



Kẻ ngu ngốc

Trong giờ học, thầy giáo:

– Ai tự nhận thấy mình là kẻ ngu ngốc thì đứng lên!

Cả lớp ngồi im. Sau vài phút Vova đứng lên. Thầy giáo:

– Vova, em tự cho mình là kẻ ngu ngốc?

– Không ạ, nhưng để thầy đứng một mình như vậy thì …..



Bệnh nhân của bố vova

Bố của Vova là một bác sĩ. Một hôm đang chơi đùa cùng Natasa ở nhà. Bất thình lình, Natasa mở một cánh cửa tủ và hét lên sợ hãi khi nhìn thấy một bộ xương người.

– Không việc gì cả – Vova nói – Bố tớ cất ở đây lâu rồi.

– Thật không? Tại sao?

– Tớ không rõ… Có thể đấy là bệnh nhân đầu tiên của bố tớ.



Số nào đẹp

Trong giờ học:

-Các em, thử nói cho cô biết số nào gợi cảm nhất?

Vôva trả lời không cần suy nghĩ:

-21593

Cô giáo rất ngạc nhiên:

– Tại …sao lại là số đó?

Vôva:

– Đơn giản là nếu một cặp nào đó cùng làm một việc thì trong vòng không quá năm tuần họ sẽ hiểu rằng sau chín tháng sẽ xuất hiện người thứ ba!



Phòng riêng của Vova

Bố Vôva đến đón con ở nhà trẻ, vào phòng thứ nhất có biẻn đề “học sinh ngoan” nhìn quanh không thấy Vôva đâu cả.

Vào phòng thứ 2 “học sinh trung bình” không thấy Vôva

Vào phòng thứ 3 “học sinh cá biệt” vẫn không thấy Vôva

Vào phòng thứ 4 “học sinh đặc biệt hư” cũng không thấy Vôva đâu

Bố Vôva đi đến cuối hành lang, thấy có một phòng nhỏ, biển treo bên ngoài đề “Vôva”.



Nhắc khéo…

Trong giờ học về phép lịch sự, thầy giáo giảng: “Trong xã hội hiện đại, chúng ta luôn phải cư xử hết sức tế nhị và lịch thiệp, đặc biệt với phụ nữ”.

– Ví dụ khi thấy váy của cô gái bị vấy bẩn thì các em nên nhắc một cách khéo léo như “trên vai cô có vết bẩn đấy”. Cô gái sẽ nhìn xuống vết bẩn trên váy mình…

Cả lớp vẫn im phăng phắc và gần như không có phản ứng gì trước lời chỉ dạy của thầy. Trong khi đó, thấy Vova gật gù.

– Vova! Em cho ví dụ để các bạn hiểu rõ hơn.

Vova gãi đầu gãi tai chưa biết trả lời sao thì nhìn thấy thầy giáo quên cài khóa quần. Vova liền cho ví dụ:

– Thưa thầy! Dây kéo trên cà-vạt của thầy bị tuột đấy ạ!



Tại cô

Cô giáo bảo Vova:

– Em học lười thì chỉ làm khổ bố mẹ thôi.

– Bố em lại bảo rằng, chính cô mới làm bố khổ, phải suy tư nhiều và thỉnh thoảng còn mất ngủ nữa.

– Em không đùa đấy chứ?

– Thoáng đỏ mặt, cô giáo hỏi lại. Em nói rõ hơn đi?

– Vâng ạ, vì cô cho nhiều bài tập về nhà quá, bố em làm không xuể.



Môn sinh vật

Hôm nay thấy vô va đi học về mặt vẫn buồn thiu. Bố hỏi:

– Vô va sao con lại buồn thế

Vô va: con bị 0 môn sinh vật

– Sao lại bị 0

– cô giáo bảo con tìm 2 ví dụ về động vật có vú biết bay.

– ví dụ 1: con dơi – giỏi lắm – ví dụ 2: cô tiếp viên hàng không!!!



Máy sản xuất giò

Bố Vôva mua một cái nhà máy nhỏ sản xuất giò và nói với Vôva:

– Nếu nhét 1 con cừu vào đây thì ta sẽ nhận được 9 thanh giò. Hai thanh nộp cho nhà nước, giữ lại 7 thanh cho mình. Hiểu rồi chứ, Vôva?

– Chưa hiểu.

– Chỗ này nhét con cừu, chỗ này cho ra cục giò. 2 cục nộp cho nhà nước, 7 cục để lại. Hiểu chưa?

– Khó hiểu quá. Thế có cái máy nào chỉ làm ngược lại không bố?

– Có. Đó là mẹ mày ấy



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