Tuyển Tập Truyện Cười Vova Hay Nhất Thế Giới

Cười Thả Phanh – Xin gửi tới bạn đọc Tuyển Tập Truyện Vova Mới Và Hay Nhất 2017. Rất mong nhận được sự quan tâm ủng hộ của các bạn



Chóng lớn

Vova vào phòng bố mẹ và không gõ cửa, và bắt gặp bố mẹ đang yêu nhau.

– Bố mẹ làm gì thế? – Nó hỏi.

– À – bà mẹ trả lời sau giây phút bối rối – Mẹ đang ngồi lên bụng bố để cho bụng bố nhỏ bớt đi.

– Vô ích – thằng bé lắc đầu – ngày mai cô hàng xóm lại sang thổi cho nó to lên thôi,

– ?!!



Quân đội không có phụ nữ

Trong giờ học môn Tự nhiên – Xã hội, cô giáo hỏi cả lớp:

– Các em có biết tại sao trong quân đội lại không có phụ nữ?

Cả lớp im phăng phắc, chỉ có mỗi Vova giơ tay. Cô giáo chờ một lúc đành phải mời Vô va phát biểu.

Vova: Thưa cô, vì khi nghe khẩu lệnh “Nằm xuống“ thì phụ nữ toàn nằm ngửa ra!



Ước mơ tuổi thơ

Ước mơ tuỏi thơ:

Na ta sa: Lớn lên em làm bác sĩ

Pe chia: em làm phi công

Vô va: em ước mình đầy lông

– Sao vậy?

– Chị em có đám lông bằng bàn tay mà nó đã kiếm được bộn tiền.



Ôtô vào gara

Vova đang đêm thì tỉnh dậy để đi đái thấy bố mẹ đang “làm việc hệ trọng” .Vova liền hỏi:

-Bố đang làm gì vậy?

Ông bố trả lời;

-Bố đang đưa ôtô vào gara.

-Vậy bố cho con để nhờ cái xe đạp được không?

-Bố ??!!



Nguồn gốc

Cô giáo giảng giải nguồn gốc loài người xuất phát từ sự tò mò của Adam và

Eva. Vova giơ tay:

– Cô nói sai rồi, bố em nói rằng tổ tiên chúng ta là KHỈ.

Natasha quay sang bảo:

– Vova, cô giáo đâu có nói riêng nguồn gốc gia đình cậu



Lập chiến công

Băng trên sông sắp tan. Có một cậu bé đang chìm dần xuống nước. Vôva nhảy

ngay xuống nước và kéo được cậu bé đó lên.

Trong giờ học cô Ivanova nói:

– Các em, Vôva của chúng ta đã lập một chiến công – cứu người! Giờ thì bạn ấy sẽ

kể cho chúng ta nghe câu chuyện đó.

Vôva

– Ơ, biết kể cái gì bây giờ? Thôi được rồi. Đầu tiên em cho cái thằng ngu đó mượn
bánh xe trượt băng….



Giờ lịch sử

Trong giờ học lịch sử nước Pháp, cô giáo thấy Vôva lơ đãng bất thình lình hỏi:

-Vôva, ai đã lấy ngục Bastin?

-Thưa cô, em không lấy ạ.

Cô giáo giận quá, mời phụ huynh đến trường. Cô giáo nói:

-Trong giò lịch sử nước Pháp, tôi hỏi ai đã lấy ngục Bastin, Vôva đã không chịu nghe giảng lại còn trả lời: “Thưa cô, em không lấy ạ”. Bác thấy thế có chịu được không cơ chứ.

Ông bố Vôva đáp:

-Cháu nhà tôi vốn thật thà, cháu đã nói không lấy ngục Basti nghĩa là nó không lấy đâu. Tuy nhiên, để tôi về nhà xem nó có cất ở nhà không.

Cô giáo bực quá, lên mách hiệu trưởng. Chẳng dè, Hiệu trưởng nói:

– Trẻ con có trót lấy thì nó chơi chán lại trả thôi mà.



Còn đau hơn

Bố của trò Vova bị cô giáo mời đến gặp. Khắp mình dán đầy bông băng, ông vừa lê bước vào đã nghe cô kể tội con mình:

– Bác xem này! Em Vova vẽ con ruồi lên cái đinh trên bàn giáo viên. Tôi đập một nhát, chảy cả máu tay.

– Trời ơi! Thế là còn nhẹ. Cô nhìn cái thân tôi xem, đây là hậu quả của việc nó vẽ mẹ nó trên đống thủy tinh đấy.

– Úi chao!



Làm gì

Cô giáo:

– Petia, bố em làm nghề gì?

– Kỹ sư

– Lena, thế bố em làm nghề gì?

– Giám đốc nhà hát

– Vova, thế còn bố em?

– Ông ấy chết rồi.

– Thế ông ta làm gì trước khi chết?

– Rên rỉ



Ở giữa hai chân

Một hôm cô giáo bảo Vôva bê hộ 1 tập vở chính tả đi từ ban giám hiệu lên phòng học để trả các bạn, Vô va đi sau nhưng vì vướng tập vở ko nhìn đươc phía trước cho nên nó cứ đâm sầm phải cô giáo mấy lần, đến chỗ gầm cầu thang thì đứng lại và nó cứ vặn vẹo cả người. Cô giáo thấy vậy liền hỏi.

– Vôva em sao vậy, cô giúp được ko?

– Em bị ngứa ạh

– Em ngứa ở chỗ nào cô gãi giúp cho

– Em….

– Sao vậy cứ nói đi….

– Em bị ngứa ở giữa…giữa…2 chân ạ

Cô giáo đỏ mặt và mắng Vova láo

Vova nghĩ đầu gối mình có cái gì nhỉ?



Vova đi giảng đạo

Lớn lên, Vova quyết định không chọn nghề bác sĩ trị rối loạn tình dục nữa mà đi theo nghề… giảng đạo. Buổi đầu tiên đi giảng, Vova hỏi:

– Hỡi các con, các con có biết hôm nay ta giảng gì không?

– Dạ không ạ! – toàn thể các con trả lời.

– Thế nếu các con chưa biết gì cả về cái ta sẽ giảng thì ta giảng cũng vô ích!

Nói đoạn quay ra đi về thẳng.

Ngày hôm sau, Vova lại hỏi tiếp như hôm trước. Toàn thể đồng thanh:

– Có!

– Nếu các con đã biết hết rồi thì ta giảng cũng bằng thừa!

Xong lại đi về tiếp.

Ngày thứ ba, Vova lại hỏi như hai ngày trước. Rút kinh nghiệm, lần này các con chia nhau một nửa trả lời không, một nửa trả lời có.

– Vậy thì những ai đã biết sẽ dạy cho ai chưa biết! – Vova trả lời, và lại cắp đít ra về.



Người phụ nữ thực sự

Vova đứng dưới sân nhà tập thể gọi inh ỏi:”Natasha, Natasha, tớ cần cậu với tư cách là 1 người phụ nữ thực sự!!! Natasha, tớ rất cần cậu!!! Cậu xuống đây với tớ!!!”

Mẹ Natasha ghó đầu ra và mắng: “Con cái nhà ai mà bậy bạ vậy hả, mới tý tuổi đầu! Đi về đi!”

“Dạ không, cháu cần Natasha lắm lắm! Quả bóng của bọn cháu bay vào nhà vệ sinh nữ!!!!



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